Blog 10.40 Going On 14

I over-complicate happiness. Most times I look for reasons to justify why I should be happy rather than just being happy. Also lingering about is the belief that it should stick around after I reach a milestone or acquire a flashy new toy. Not so. Whatever it is, the quickly fades away.

Kids are smarter. They are OK being happy. They gravitate toward what is mostly enjoyable and avoid what isn’t. For example one kid I know will play video games for days, unshowered, subsisting on jars of Nutella. Why? ‘Like it’ or ‘Hate Water’. Another is obsessed with dragons and pottery. Why? ‘They fly’ or ‘make stuff’.

From those cues, I’m learning to reframe the happiness question. Rather than asking, will this thing or experience bring me happiness, I try to look at who inside me actually gets lit up.

Setting a Low Bar

The memory is patchy. I was watching the Olympics–Barcelona or Albertville–I’m not sure. However, I was still young enough to not be embarrassed by what I thought was cool.

During one broadcast, the network profiled an athlete. Her name? Couldn’t tell you. Country? Maybe American. Sport? Perhaps volleyball or bobsleigh. But I do remember this. She had a proper gym-worthy squat rack in her backyard. The climate was such that she could train outdoors year round. My young brain exploded. You can do that?

Her setup was bare bones and rustic. It had no overhead cover, and the lifting platform was a worn patch in the grass. To my mind she had made it.

Pandemic Scramble

Fast forward a few decades. Deep in the pandemic, I and countless others scrambled to find exercise equipment. Eventually, I scrounged up what I needed. Only a squat rack stood between me and a full home gym. Yes, my wife rolled her eyes too.

A fitness outlet over an hour away had one left. After dragging this massive box up to the checkout, Captain CrossFit, all jaw-clenchy and V-necked, informs me the online price is incorrect. Due to supply shortages, everything costs at least 25% more. Countering my objection he said, ‘Dude, the price will only go up, dude’. Yes, he said dude twice. Fuck it, Fine.

The Who of Happy

The squat rack is a fixture in the backyard. I go out there nearly everyday. Pressed against the lattice fence, chocolate vines wind overtop and down the vertical supports. Instead of full-length gym mirrors, hibiscus flowers surround me in the summer months. It’s lovely. Weather and time aren’t constraints. They’re workarounds. If it snows, I clear a patch and throw down some salt. And dark, out comes the lantern. There is only one rule—No Deadlifts in the Rain, for obvious reasons.

One day, between sets, I was weighing the pros and cons of my new setup. Workout anytime - good. No cover, bad. Kids do cherry bombs, both. That type of thing. It netted-out positive, but there was a lingering feeling I couldn’t pin down. Then it clicked. Hidden beneath all my ‘adult’ justifications, I was absolutely elated. The 14 year old me had arrived. Nothing more than 'lift stuff outside'.